"Being defeated is often a temporary condition, giving up is what makes it permanent." I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age.. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success. One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high. My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact same time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree. I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, Tammy's mother was not as an astute student of language as my father.
When Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did... fall. My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year- old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly. This is why people who try to stop smoking struggle with the ct of stopping smoking. They are running pictures all day of themselves smoking. Smokers are rarely taught to see themselves breathing fresh air and feeling great.
The language itself becomes one barrier to success. This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball. My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win.
I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career. Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do. Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor.You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil. The point is made. If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail.
I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar. If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite." People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.
My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism. These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children. Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction. So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, "I ****. I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc." If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue.
Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words. Notice when you or other people use them.
Ø But
Ø Try
Ø If
Ø Might
Ø Would Have
Ø Should Have
Ø Could Have
Ø Can't
Ø Don't But: negates any words that are stated before it. If: presupposes that you may not. Would have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen. Should have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.) Could have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen. Try: Presupposes failure. Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener. Can't / Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error. Examples: Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!" Likely result: Drops the ball Better language: "Catch the ball!" Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television." Likely result: Watches more television. Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!" Exercise: Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Lessons Of Premji
Dear Friends,
My own successes and setbacks along the way have taught me some
lessons. Iwish to share them with you and hope you will find them useful.
Lesson #1: Be careful to ask what you want. You may get it.
What this means is that do not ask too little either of yourself or
the others around you. What you ask is what you get. When I look back at the time when I joined Wipro,I was 21. If you ask me.
whether I thought that Wipro would grow so by someday, the honest
answer is that I did not. But neither did I think it would not. We constantly stretched ourselves to higher and higher targets.
Sometimes, it seemed possible, sometimes fanciful and sometimes plain
insane. But we never stopped raising limits. And we got a lot more than what we bargained for.
Lesson # 2: Respond, don't react
Always be aware of your emotions and learn to manage them. There
is a huge difference between people who react impulsively and those who can disengage themselves and then respond at will. By choosing to respond differently, we can prevent another person from
controlling our behaviour. I remember a small story that illustrates this well. There was once a newspaper vendor who had a rude Customer. Every morning, the Customer would walk by, refuse to
return the greeting, grab the paper off the shelf and throw the money at the vendor. The vendor would pick up the money, smile politely and say, "Thank you, Sir." One day, the vendor's assistant asked
him, "Why are you always so polite with him when he is so rude to you? Why don't you throw the newspaper at him when he comes back tomorrow?" The vendor smiled and replied, "He can't help
being rude and I can't help being polite. Why should I let his rude behaviour dictate mine?
Lesson # 3: Intuitions are important for making decisions
It is important to realize that our intuition is a very important
Part of decision making. Many things are recorded by our subconscious. Use both sides of the brain.
Even that is not enough.
Some decisions need the use of the heart as well. When you use your
Mind and heart together, you may get a completely new and creative answer.
Lesson # 4: Learn to work in teams
The challenges ahead are so complex that no individual will be able to
face them alone. While most of our education is focused in individual strength, teaming with others is equally important. You cannot fire a missile from a canoe. Unless you build a strong network of people with complimentary skills, you will be restricted by your own limitations.
Globalisation has brought people of different origins, different
upbringing and different cultures together. Ability to become an integral part of a cross-cultural team will be a must for your success.
Lesson #5: Never lose your zest and curiosity
All the available knowledge in the world is accelerating at a
Phenomenal rate. The whole world's codified knowledge base (all documented information in library books and electronic files) doubled every 30 years in the early 20th century. By the 1970s, the world's
knowledge base doubled every seven years. Information researchers predict that by the year 2010, the world's codified knowledge
will double every 11 hours. Remaining on top of what you need to
know will become one of the greatest challenges for you.
The natural zest and curiosity for learning is one of the greatest
drivers for keeping updated on knowledge. A child's curiosity is insatiable because every new object is a thing of wonder and mystery. The same zest is needed to keep learning new things. I personally
spend at least 10 hours every week on reading. If I do not do that, I will find myself quickly outdated.
Lesson # 6: Put yourself first
This does not mean being selfish. Nor does it mean that you must
Become so full of yourself that that you become vain or arrogant. It means developing your self confidence. It means, developing an inner faith in yourself that is not shaken by external events.
It requires perseverance. It shows up in the ability to rebound from a setback with double enthusiasm and energy. I came across a recent Harvard Business review which describes this very effectively :
"No one can truly define success and failure for us- only we can
Define that for ourselves. No one can take away our dignity unless we surrender it. No one can take away our hope and pride unless we relinquish them. No one can steal our creativity, imagination
and skills unless we stop thinking. No one can stop us from rebounding unless we give up."
And there is no way we can take care of others, unless we take care of
ourselves.
Lesson # 7: Have a broader social vision
While there is every reason to be excited about the future, we must
notforget that we will face many challenges as well. By 2015, we will have 829 million strong workforce. That will make India home to 18% of global working-age population. The key challenge is to transform that into a globally competitive work-force.
This will not be an easy task. Despite all the rapid economic expansionseen in recent years, job growth in India still trails the rise in working-age population. It is important that gains are
spread across this spectrum, so that the divide between the employed
and the under-employed, is minimised. Education is a crucial enabler that can make this growth as equitable as possible.
Lesson # 8: Play to win
Playing to win is not the same as playing dirty. It is not about
Winning all the time or winning at any cost. Playing to win is having the intensity to stretch to the maximum and bringing our best foot forward. Winning means focusing on the game. The score
Board tells you where you are going, but don't concentrate too much on it. If you can focus on the ball, the scores will move by themselves. I recently came across this story that I thought I would
share with you
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together
To visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his
guests coffee, the professor went into the kitchen. He returned with
a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal- some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - and asked them to help themselves to coffee.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:
"If you noticed all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, you were more concerned about comparing your cups but what you really wanted was coffee. Yet you spent all your time eyeing each other's cups.
Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society
Are the cups. They are just tools to contain Life, but cannot really change the quality of Life. Sometimes, by over concentrating on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee."
I wish you all every success in your career and your life.
Azim Premji
My own successes and setbacks along the way have taught me some
lessons. Iwish to share them with you and hope you will find them useful.
Lesson #1: Be careful to ask what you want. You may get it.
What this means is that do not ask too little either of yourself or
the others around you. What you ask is what you get. When I look back at the time when I joined Wipro,I was 21. If you ask me.
whether I thought that Wipro would grow so by someday, the honest
answer is that I did not. But neither did I think it would not. We constantly stretched ourselves to higher and higher targets.
Sometimes, it seemed possible, sometimes fanciful and sometimes plain
insane. But we never stopped raising limits. And we got a lot more than what we bargained for.
Lesson # 2: Respond, don't react
Always be aware of your emotions and learn to manage them. There
is a huge difference between people who react impulsively and those who can disengage themselves and then respond at will. By choosing to respond differently, we can prevent another person from
controlling our behaviour. I remember a small story that illustrates this well. There was once a newspaper vendor who had a rude Customer. Every morning, the Customer would walk by, refuse to
return the greeting, grab the paper off the shelf and throw the money at the vendor. The vendor would pick up the money, smile politely and say, "Thank you, Sir." One day, the vendor's assistant asked
him, "Why are you always so polite with him when he is so rude to you? Why don't you throw the newspaper at him when he comes back tomorrow?" The vendor smiled and replied, "He can't help
being rude and I can't help being polite. Why should I let his rude behaviour dictate mine?
Lesson # 3: Intuitions are important for making decisions
It is important to realize that our intuition is a very important
Part of decision making. Many things are recorded by our subconscious. Use both sides of the brain.
Even that is not enough.
Some decisions need the use of the heart as well. When you use your
Mind and heart together, you may get a completely new and creative answer.
Lesson # 4: Learn to work in teams
The challenges ahead are so complex that no individual will be able to
face them alone. While most of our education is focused in individual strength, teaming with others is equally important. You cannot fire a missile from a canoe. Unless you build a strong network of people with complimentary skills, you will be restricted by your own limitations.
Globalisation has brought people of different origins, different
upbringing and different cultures together. Ability to become an integral part of a cross-cultural team will be a must for your success.
Lesson #5: Never lose your zest and curiosity
All the available knowledge in the world is accelerating at a
Phenomenal rate. The whole world's codified knowledge base (all documented information in library books and electronic files) doubled every 30 years in the early 20th century. By the 1970s, the world's
knowledge base doubled every seven years. Information researchers predict that by the year 2010, the world's codified knowledge
will double every 11 hours. Remaining on top of what you need to
know will become one of the greatest challenges for you.
The natural zest and curiosity for learning is one of the greatest
drivers for keeping updated on knowledge. A child's curiosity is insatiable because every new object is a thing of wonder and mystery. The same zest is needed to keep learning new things. I personally
spend at least 10 hours every week on reading. If I do not do that, I will find myself quickly outdated.
Lesson # 6: Put yourself first
This does not mean being selfish. Nor does it mean that you must
Become so full of yourself that that you become vain or arrogant. It means developing your self confidence. It means, developing an inner faith in yourself that is not shaken by external events.
It requires perseverance. It shows up in the ability to rebound from a setback with double enthusiasm and energy. I came across a recent Harvard Business review which describes this very effectively :
"No one can truly define success and failure for us- only we can
Define that for ourselves. No one can take away our dignity unless we surrender it. No one can take away our hope and pride unless we relinquish them. No one can steal our creativity, imagination
and skills unless we stop thinking. No one can stop us from rebounding unless we give up."
And there is no way we can take care of others, unless we take care of
ourselves.
Lesson # 7: Have a broader social vision
While there is every reason to be excited about the future, we must
notforget that we will face many challenges as well. By 2015, we will have 829 million strong workforce. That will make India home to 18% of global working-age population. The key challenge is to transform that into a globally competitive work-force.
This will not be an easy task. Despite all the rapid economic expansionseen in recent years, job growth in India still trails the rise in working-age population. It is important that gains are
spread across this spectrum, so that the divide between the employed
and the under-employed, is minimised. Education is a crucial enabler that can make this growth as equitable as possible.
Lesson # 8: Play to win
Playing to win is not the same as playing dirty. It is not about
Winning all the time or winning at any cost. Playing to win is having the intensity to stretch to the maximum and bringing our best foot forward. Winning means focusing on the game. The score
Board tells you where you are going, but don't concentrate too much on it. If you can focus on the ball, the scores will move by themselves. I recently came across this story that I thought I would
share with you
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together
To visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his
guests coffee, the professor went into the kitchen. He returned with
a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal- some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - and asked them to help themselves to coffee.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:
"If you noticed all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, you were more concerned about comparing your cups but what you really wanted was coffee. Yet you spent all your time eyeing each other's cups.
Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society
Are the cups. They are just tools to contain Life, but cannot really change the quality of Life. Sometimes, by over concentrating on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee."
I wish you all every success in your career and your life.
Azim Premji
Cannot Purchase Love
A little boy came up to his mother in the kitchen one evening while she was fixing supper, and handed her a piece of paper that he had been writing on. After his Mom dried her hands on an apron, she read it, and this is what it said:
For cutting the grass: $5.00
For cleaning up my room this week: $1.00
For going to the store for you: $.50
Baby-sitting my kid brother while you went shopping: $.25
Taking out the garbage: $1.00
For getting a good report card: $5.00
For cleaning up and raking the yard: $2.00
owed: $14.75
Well, his mother looked at him standing there, and the boy could see the memories flashing through her mind.
She picked up the pen, turned over the paper he'd written on, and this is what she wrote:
For the nine months I carried you while you were growing inside me: No Charge
For all the nights that I've sat up with you, doctored and prayed for you: No Charge
For all the trying times, and all the tears that you've caused through the years: No Charge
For all the nights that were filled with dread, and for the worries I knew were ahead: No Charge For the toys, food, clothes, and even wiping your nose: No Charge
Son, when you add it up, the cost of my love is: No Charge. When the boy finished reading what his mother had written, there were big tears in his eyes, and he looked straight at his mother and said, "Mom, I sure do love you." And then he took the pen and in great big letters he wrote: "PAID IN FULL".
For cutting the grass: $5.00
For cleaning up my room this week: $1.00
For going to the store for you: $.50
Baby-sitting my kid brother while you went shopping: $.25
Taking out the garbage: $1.00
For getting a good report card: $5.00
For cleaning up and raking the yard: $2.00
owed: $14.75
Well, his mother looked at him standing there, and the boy could see the memories flashing through her mind.
She picked up the pen, turned over the paper he'd written on, and this is what she wrote:
For the nine months I carried you while you were growing inside me: No Charge
For all the nights that I've sat up with you, doctored and prayed for you: No Charge
For all the trying times, and all the tears that you've caused through the years: No Charge
For all the nights that were filled with dread, and for the worries I knew were ahead: No Charge For the toys, food, clothes, and even wiping your nose: No Charge
Son, when you add it up, the cost of my love is: No Charge. When the boy finished reading what his mother had written, there were big tears in his eyes, and he looked straight at his mother and said, "Mom, I sure do love you." And then he took the pen and in great big letters he wrote: "PAID IN FULL".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
